Posted by: Fern | August 11, 2008

Back When I Was Cool

I’ve just wasted the last hour reading through my old private blog archives from the beginning of 2007 – after finally finding them and deciding if I’m going to hang on to everything I’ve journalled since I was fourteen years old, I probably need to find a better way to organise it, I have thousands upon thousands of blog posts covering the last eight years of my life. It’s crazy to think about how many hours worth of typing that represents, it seems I have almost every day of my life chronicled, from early teenage years, through emigration, marriage and now motherhood, I need to get it all together and see what the word count for eight years of rambling would be.

Anyway, I wanted to see what I was experiencing leading up to Declan’s birth, so went back to January of 2007, it’s only eighteen months ago and it’s amazing how things have changed – like I used to actually have a sex life! We used to go to the cinema on a whim, and I didn’t think twice about staying up until 4am to work on some PHP or a new website. These are all distant memories now 🙂

One thing that stood out most is how nervous I was about becoming a mother, a lot of talk about the loss of my identity and how worried I was about having a little being dependant on me. That hasn’t even entered my head this time around, I love being a mother and taking care of Declan and the only thing I’m vaguely nervous about this time around is splitting myself between two children. Eighteen months ago I was so scared about Declan coming into our world, and although sometimes it would be really nice to go to the cinema at a moments notice, I wouldn’t undo any choices we’ve made over the last two years at all, the only thing I’d like to do is go back and beat up my former self and let me know that spending every day stressing about being unable to cope or how bad a mother you’re going to be is probably not the best way to go.

I shall leave you with my favourite post, from January the 27th, 2007:

“After Taking Twenty Minutes To Move My Huge Arse From One Side Of The Bed To The Other”

F: I Feel like Jabba The Hutt… just without the bonuses.
D: The bonuses?
F: Yeah, like the job benefits
D: Like what?
F: A slave girl and my very own Bantha.



  1. ive kept my archives too but i cant bear to look at them! particularly my uni phase!! i might go back to when i first started to lose weight though, that would be interesting. its a shame i wasnt blogging around the time I had my child. I have memories of course but theyre usually altered with time, thats why i like keeping a blog – what you felt is there in hard evidence.

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